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the Customer

Updated: Aug 12, 2019

Typically I refer to myself as pragmatic: But I tend to cynically approach and arrive at my pragmatism, which tends to come across as a bit salty, quite direct, and rather black-and-white with regard to worldview. In the context of a kitchen, these can all be very good--and highly exacerbating--traits of which to be in possession.

But I'm pretty damn positive I can't pull off positive: I've attempted as much in the past, only to meet with inconclusive results, at best: Because everything can always be better. And because for whatever reason, it's "supposed to be" a thankless job.


And because: The Customer is a terrible creature. Truly an unfortunate view because most folks are good, nice, hard-working people in the every day-to-day, folks just like you and me. Literally. Sometimes we are the customers.


Of course I mean that customer, or that diner, or that pompous swamp-ass having a fit because who knows the fuck why? You know--The Customer; whose existence unfortunately but effectively taints our perception of all the other good Customers out there. After a decade or two of dealing with those Customers (nevermind incompetency and nincompoop-ery behind the scenes, to be sure), it gets pretty hard to give a fuck.


Nevermind that all food is subjective, if taste is the question; or that most diet fads are no more than fads; or that poor dining experiences are either situational or due to the fact that upwards of ninety-nine per cent of all customers are going to act like over-privileged, self-righteous assholes at least at some point in their career as an officer of the dining public. All common decency will go out the window or you'll check it with the hostess at the door. It's bound to happen, at some point.


Which makes me realize we must all have this Customer gene inside of us. I'm not special, you're not special, no one's special: And, hey--I'm just being pragmatic about it.


But seriously: Why does everyone have to make such a fuss and ruckus over what in the end, literally amounts to a pile of shit?

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